Most of the time, I am happy. I struggled but I am happy. I have been struggling with infertility for years now but I try to see the sunshine in each day being child-less. Recently I came upon this post "liked" by one of my Facebook friends that struck me deeply. The person posting this status said that she "hated" young couple who said they are planning to delay having children. My question is why you want to hate? Is another girl's life your own to take care of or yours to direct?
In the post she boldly said she hated the 3 to 4 years delay and also she said she can't stand ladies conceiving at the later age of 30's and above and the crying when they got problem later years of trying to conceive and the children being still very small when they are getting old.
My answer is DO NOT JUDGE.
WHY?
I am 33 this years, I got married at the age of 27, we jumped right into having baby soon after but years passed and we weren't given the chance of having a child of our own! We seek fertility treatments the second year of our marriage when we realized that it ain't as easy as we thought it would be. I remembered the needles and injections, the countless amount of medicines and morning and night pills, the patches, the rushing to the gynae's office as we sat together with other happy pregnant couples hoping someday it would be us, the ovulation kit and calendar, the scoping at the doctor, the timed intercourse every month that almost killed our romance, the stress and the tears and not mentioning the money we spend.
When people asked everytime we meet "when is the children coming?" "why not have children now?" what do we say? When people kept poking into our matter offering tonnes and tonnes of advice from why not try IVF to adoptions to pray harder you must have sinned, what do we say? We say what was required to keep these nosy mouths shut!
The answer : "We are not planning to have children or it is still early to have children" with a wide smile holding back tears. We tried being truthful about our situations but majority of people do not understand the struggle we are going through, the battles we fought with this monster called "Infertility" that messed not only with your ability to have children but with your minds, emotions even our values as a woman.
I believe "dearie" Esther, whoever you are with your 208 friends who liked your post, you are not someone who walked this road paved with dark clouds and uncertainty called Infertility, because if you are or had been through this journey, you will not be as judgmental as you are with your hate. You would have been more understanding, more kind, offering encouragement instead of hate. Next time if you post something remember everyone got their reasons for being that way, try to understand them before spitting out words like that to fellow women out there. We girls, ladies and women need to empower one another not hate.
